


Room for Love

by Thisfangirl



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Other, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Unrequited Love, please dont read if any of these things are triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:22:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27487237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thisfangirl/pseuds/Thisfangirl
Summary: George makes room in his life for someone he loves.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	Room for Love

**Author's Note:**

> Please check the tags before reading. This material can be triggering for some readers. Welcome to a story that I wrote because I've been sad lately and since my other story is happy, I needed to let some sadness go. So enjoy. This may or may not be based on event in my own life...ok...enjoy.

Last warning-This story has material that may be triggering to some people. Please check the tags before reading.

It had been a while since Clay had really wondered where he and George stood. He knew that, even though they had been friends for a long time, they’re relationship was not  _ just _ a friendship. But then again they weren’t really dating. 

He didn’t remember when exactly it changed, but he remembered realizing it had changed. He remembers the late night texts, the secrets they exchanged, the subtle flirting. He remembered each time anything happened with George, because just thinking about it gave him the happy feeling that he was right there with George.

He remembers spending hours playing minecraft. Whether it was bedwars, speedrunning, or just random minigames.

He remembered every moment because in the midst of some of the darkest moments, George was the light that brought him back to shore.

He remembered when he told George about  _ it _ . His health, both mental and physical. How he got sick at a young age, and would never have kids. And how, when learning that, his depression worsened. 

He joked about it sometimes. About his attachment issues, his low self-esteem, his problems with self-harm and his self-destructive behavior. He thought it was funny how a person who had such a good home, great parents, and wonderful friends, could end up so royally fucked up.

He doesn’t know exactly when that started either. When he stopped feeling happy. He felt like he was drowning in a pool of his own thoughts. He was his own worst enemy, and he’d accepted that.

He knew that ultimately, he was the reason things went wrong in his life. He was the reason his mom cried late into the night. He was the reason his parents never had extra money, since they always spent it on his medicine and therapy sessions.

He was the reason that no one ever stayed. He pushed everyone away, because it was better to push them away, than to have them leave you. 

He realized early on that because of his fear of letting people see him, he would never truly be happy with anyone. 

He knew that, at the end of the day, every horrible thing in his life was his ow fault, and it made him hate himself even more.

But that was before George. 

Before George, he didn’t care if he was slowly killing himself. He didn’t care if, with the way he was going, he wouldn’t live to see his 25th birthday. But George made him care. 

He was so honest, yet kind. He told him things the way they were, but the way he said it made him feel so calm. Before he knew it, he realized that he had fallen hard. 

Neither of them were perfect, but Clay never felt the need to pretend with George. He knew that George wouldn’t judge him. That he would help him, and that he’d love him.

They talked about it once, their feelings. It was so indirect, that you would think they were talking about a couple in a movie. They talked as if they were talking about every other person but themselves.

They both got the message though.  _ Eventually, but not now. _ Which Clay hated. He was never a patient person, yet he waited and waited. 

But the reality sunk in. Clay was nothing compared to George. George was kind, respectful, and honest. Clay lied everytime he smiled. But, he knew that it was best. George didn’t deserve anyone like him. He was too messed up. 

George deserved someone truly beautiful. Someone smart, someone happy. Someone who George didn’t have to worry about. Someone who didn’t have scars on their body. Someone who wasn’t terrified of the idea of falling in love. 

Someone who was the complete opposite of him. 

And so he began to let go og George. 

It was extremely difficult at first. And the things he did to try and get George out of his head didn’t help. He gave himself to others in so many ways. And yet, after countless other men, George had his heart, and he didn’t even know.

He pushed and pushed and pushed. Ignoring his texts, no longer flirting, not texting him after a certain time. But it hurt him. 

It hurt him more than when he dragged dull blades across his skin to numb the pain in his mind. It hurt more than the men who couldn’t take no for an answer. It hurt more than the guilt of being the way he was despite having everything he needed and more. 

It hurt more than when his first and only friend before George, Nick, left him without a second thought. It hurt more than all the times he’d been second choice. It hurt more than the realization that he’d be better off dead. 

So he decided to do something about it. He texted him first, which hadn’t happened in a long time. And they talked for hours about everything they hadn’t told each other. 

And when he finally told him. He felt so relieved. 

“I’m in love with someone George. He’s amazing, and I just don’t know what I would do without him.” He told him.

“Do I know him?” George had asked curiously. Clay had just smiled and shrugged. George smiled back and then told him.

“Well I have news, too.” George had told him in a voice that Clay could only describe as giddy. 

“There’s someone I love as well.” Clay just smiled. “Do I know them?” He asked with of hint of sarcasm. Because of course Clay knew who it was. It was him. George had already told him. In their theoretical conversation. And here they were dancing around the topic once more.

“No,” He smiled. “You don’t know her.”

And Clay was sure his heart stopped beating.  _ How could you be so stupid?  _ He told himself.  _ Of course he doesn’t love you. You’re disgusting. You’re ugly and you can’t even do anything without wanting to kill yourself.  _

“I’m so happy for you.” He said with a smile. The perfect lie. 

They talked for a little while more before he eventually hung up. Clay gave him some excuse about school or work. He doesn’t remember which. 

He does remember the tears, however. He cried for hours, he cried himself to sleep. He felt as though his entire world was crumbling down. Because at the end of the day, he knew the truth. 

It was all his fault. George didn’t love him, of course he didn’t. Clay met the girl a little while after, and it just made him feel worse. She was beautiful. She had every single good quality that Clay was lacking and more. 

And Clay felt like even more of an idiot than before. He was stupid to think that he could make George happy. He was an idiot to think that George would want him. But most of all, he was an idiot because he couldn’t let go.

They stayed friends. And whenever George had a problem, Clay was the one who gave him advice. He could have easily given him the worst advice possible, but he knew he couldn't. He wanted George to be happy, and he knew that happiness was the last thing he could give George.

And he realized that after all that, he’d been wrong. There was one thing that hurt more than pushing George away.

It was that George was pushing him away to make room for someone he truly loved. 


End file.
